Don't you realize...

"But don't you know who you are, 

What's been done for you? 

Yeah don't you know who you are? 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 

You are more than the problems you create, 

You've been remade." -Tenth Avenue North

I don't ever want to feel that way again...

I don't want to go back to where I've been

This place where nothing makes sense

where darkness creeps in

and I'm left feeling alone.

For a second I feel that

everything around me is fading

away

and I stumble around in the haze.

So, I go to rest my head

and say a prayer.

And you save me once again.

You're not alone...

"You're not alone, there is more to this I know... you can make it out... you will live to tell!"

May the God of all comfort, comfort you my friend... I need you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I know that I didn't do anything wrong, but please forgive me if your heart still doesn't trust me. This was all for the best. I'm so worried about you. I want you to know that I truly care. I'm so glad that I was there to see you, even at your worst, because I could never look in those eyes and think any harm.

Please will you pray for my friend, he needs peace right now and he needs the comfort of a Savior....

To my love...

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be... than here in Your presence..."

^"5 For your Maker is your husband— 

   the LORD Almighty is his name— 

the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; 

   he is called the God of all the earth. 

⁶ The LORD will call you back 

   as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit— 

a wife who married young, 

   only to be rejected,” says your God. 

⁷ “For a brief moment I abandoned you, 

   but with deep compassion I will bring you back. 

⁸ In a surge of anger 

   I hid my face from you for a moment, 

but with everlasting kindness 

   I will have compassion on you,” 

   says the LORD your Redeemer."   (Isaiah 54:5-8)

You're the only one who could ever

Capture my heart

The way that you do

I won't let this hurt and confusion 

Take the place of my God

Cause nothing could ever take that place

Your love remains 

You stay the same

Jesus, It's You that I hear

When the rain is falling

Jesus, Hold me near

'Til I see the morning

Keep holding me near,

These doubts and fears

Your love brings me hope

And I will live for that love

You're the only one 

That could ever 

Turn my sorrow into joy

I won't let this hurt

And confusion

Take the place of my God

Cause Your love remains

You stay the same

(c) (Your Love Remains, by Sarah King 2010)

Looking into the face of love...

"Then the Lord God formed the man out of the dust from the ground and breathed the breath of life into his nostrils, and the man became a living being." -Genesis 2:7

Can you imagine opening your eyes to see the face of perfect love staring back at you?

They had it all, an unconditional, perfect love and a relationship where God walked beside them. Yet, they wanted more, the one thing they couldn't have. Through trying to be like God, this perfect relationship was ruined.

"So the Lord God sent him away from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken. He drove man out and stationed the cherubim and the flaming, whirling sword east of the garden of Eden to guard the way to the tree of life." - Genesis 3:23

The thing that we don't see here is how God must have felt.
Sorrow.
Anguish.
Longing.
All this as He watched man, created in His own image, the same man he formed with His hands and gave the breath of life; walk away. And all he could do was just watch them leaving, with a tear in His eye.

But He had a plan.

"In the beginning was the Word.
and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.
He was with God in the beginning."

He chose to sacrifice His one and only Son to create atonement for our sins, to make things right again.

And as He prepared to go to the cross, to die for us all, he said,
"I will not leave you as orphans, I am coming to you." -John 14:18

These were the words of a father, a father who saw His children leaving;
and now, He is bringing them back.

I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free...

     Ever since I started blogging on this site I wanted to have defined focus, a purpose for my writings. Thinking about it more, I realized that most of my writings I turn into songs. And most of my songs are about Christ.One of the things that I came to realize, a while ago, is that I don't even need to try and focus my writings on Him. He is what defines me; therefore, my writings will encompass my life with Him. In the past I would write countless stories in diaries about guys and my crushes. Then I discovered that the things I wrote were not my life, they did not at all define what made me, me. The thing that should define me is Christ in me.


     I began to journal about what God was doing in my life. Long passages soon became more artistic. Then they turned to shorter poems that described events with unique detail. From there, some poems turned into songs as I began to play my guitar more. I would write, then look back on writings and with a chord progression in mind. Later, I put them together in a song. It was after I went through trials that I began to write songs; and I truly believe it is my struggle that allows me to sing. I sing because I know where I've been and I know that He carried me.

    About 4 years ago, I suffered with schizophrenia and spent many days in a different reality. This reality was full of pain and discomfort, fear and despair. Going through all of this made me see how real Christ is to me. He literally saved me, and healed me of my disease. There were many fears that I faced and many battles that He won for me. I could not be more grateful to anyone but Him. I owe him my all, how could I not sing? How could I not tell about the glorious works that He has done?

Where I'm From

I am from white sands of beaches made in dreamlands, from Jamba Juice mango smoothies and Almond Joys.
I am from that small house on the culdesac, where the neighborhood kids play late into the night. I am from the fragrant gardenia guiding moonlit paths into the night, a honeysuckle- that signifies the summer season, the with droplets of sweet nectar used in fairyland tea.

I'm from spring trips to the zoo and Fuhrman smiles, from Bolton and Pratt. I'm from last minute trips and late arrivals, from a family of grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles that don't quite fill that spot on the family tree.
I'm from Romans 8, a faith that cannot be shaken, freedom of the Spirit, and writing songs that have flowed into my heart.
I am from Sierra Leone, Germany, Ireland, England, and France,
From fried plantain on special occasions, shepherd's pie and good southern cooking,
From the Chaplain that won a medal after a heroic display, staying behind with the dying as the enemy came;
From the man who changed our name from Beedendeeden to Felhoelter by stealing Lord Felhoelter's name.
I am from scrapbooks full of pages of a wedding, the committment taken in a family of 20 years, black and white photos of dedicated young men and women who made a journey across the sea to start a loving family.

A closer examination

"How are you?"

"Good," my quickest response.

I can't seem to answer any other way. But have I taken the time to ask myself, " How are you today?"

I've spent too much time wondering will the teacher check the homework in my next class, or why hasn't he said hi to me yet. Yet, somehow I forget that I am a citizen not of this world, "But [my] citizenship is in heaven... And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body" Philippians 3:20. It is the eternal that I long for, and the eternal I shall seek. 

At the end of the day, I find myself with a need to realign myself towards the goals of the kingdom, to clear my mind of mundane matters. Sometimes I just need you to examine my heart, to make me clean. Today, I know that I acted so selfishly with some things. Lord, forgive me and give me the patience to deal with those situations. I need You to guard my heart and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 

Lord, transform me.